'I don't think I grieved, I don't think I thought it was real'

England midfielder Ella Toone said she didn't "actually grieve" after the death of her father until a period on the sidelines through injury forced her to get "mentally right".

Nick Toone was diagnosed with prostate cancer the day after the Lionesses beat Germany to win Euro 2022, where his daughter scored the opening goal.

He passed away in September 2024, three days before his 60th birthday.

Manchester United's Women's Super League campaign got under way just two weeks later and Toone started every league game for them until suffering a calf injury in training in November.

Toone hadn't scored in six games before her injury and in her own words had lost her love for the game.

"I had just lost my dad before the season started," the 25-year-old told The Tooney & Russo Show.

"I played on after that and probably wasn't enjoying it as much as I should have been. I would never have told myself that or admitted it because all I ever wanted to do was play football for him.

"When it actually got taken out of my hands it made me realise, 'right, I do need this, I do need to step away from football and get myself mentally right more than anything'. I needed to have that love for the game again and miss it."

Toone's time away from the pitch allowed her to physically and mentally focus on herself.

She started speaking to a counsellor and spent time in Dubai with her partner Joe while undergoing rehab.

"At first I didn't miss it," she added. "I was doing my rehab, I was enjoying being in the gym and getting stronger. It was the best thing I could have done to get myself mentally right and actually grieve.

"I don't think I grieved, I don't think I thought that it was real."

After nine weeks out, Toone was back with a bang.

She scored six goals in her first five games back for United, including a stunning hat-trick against rivals Manchester City.

"When I was back on the grass and around the girls I was like 'I miss it' and that's when I knew I was ready to kick on," Toone said.

"I came back and started playing well and scoring goals. Then my love for the game really grew and I wasn't putting as much pressure on myself as I was before in wanting to do everything and wanting to score for dad, thinking I'm never going to score again.

"It was perfect timing and now it's about not falling again. It's hard in football because you are up and down all the time anyway."

Toone is currently on international duty as England prepare to face Portugal and Spain in the Nations League.

Her former United team-mate, best friend and podcast partner Alessia Russo, who now plays for Arsenal, drove to Manchester when she heard of Nick's passing.

"From living together to then being so far away down in London was hard anyway," Russo said. "When something as heavy as that happens, all I wanted to do was be there.

"Whether she wanted me there or not I didn't really care. I just wanted to be there, to sit with her, to cry with her, to eat with her, to try and make her laugh and to help with anything she needed.

"It's so hard being away from someone at a time like that. As soon as I could I wanted to go and see her. I know Tooney would drop anything to help me if I needed her, big or small."

Russo was one of a number of Toone's team-mates from both club and country who rallied around her in the dark times.

"Everyone came together," Toone added. "They have been amazing, my team-mates as well, just being normal, not pottering around me or not knowing what to say.

"When it was the funeral it was unbelievable to see the amount of people there. I had the girls coming up from London, I had Georgia [Stanway] flying over from Germany.

"I had all these people coming and I thought, 'wow, I am so lucky to have these people' or else what would I have done?"

A difficult season on and off the pitch for Toone ended with an impressive eight goals and four assists.

Each time she found the back of the net, she pointed to the sky to celebrate with her dad.

"It's hard because everyone is sad that day and talks about memories and it's done then for everyone. But for us it's still so hard.

"I've been blessed with a lot of good people around me and definitely couldn't have got through it without them. Now I just want to keep kicking on and doing things right and making him proud."

Season Two of the Tooney and Russo Show drops on BBC Sounds and YouTube on Friday 30 May, with new episodes every Monday and Friday.

See all episodes here.