'Speaking about the 22 babies I lost is seen as taboo'

2 years ago 27

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Imtiaz Fazil has been pregnant 24 times, but she only has two living children.

She first fell pregnant in 1999 and, over the subsequent 23 years, has had 17 miscarriages and five babies die before their first birthdays due to a rare genetic condition.

The 49-year-old, from Levenshulme in Manchester, told BBC North West Tonight her losses were not easy to talk about, but she was determined to do so, in part because such things remained a taboo subject among South Asian groups.

She said she wanted to change that and break down the stigma surrounding baby loss.

She said her own family "don't talk to me very much about the things" as they think "I might get hurt [by] bringing up memories".

"It's too much sadness; that's why nobody approaches these sort of things," she said.

"They just keep it to themselves."

She said despite suffering so many losses, "nobody has even asked me if I'm fine [or] if I still think about my babies".

"Not a day goes past that I don't think of my children," she added.

Image source, Family handout

Image caption,

Five of Imtiaz's children died before their first birthday because of a rare genetic condition

Sarina Kaur Dosanjh and her husband Vik also have the hope of breaking the silence surrounding baby loss.

The 29-year-olds, from Walsall in the West Midlands, have set up the Himmat Collective, a charity which offers a virtual space for South Asian women and men to share their experiences.

The couple, who have had two miscarriages in the past two years, said the heartache was still not something that people easily speak about.

"I think it's hidden," Sarina said.

"It's really brushed under the carpet."

She said there was also a prevailing idea that someone trying to conceive should avoid anyone who had had a miscarriage "because it is almost contagious".

"That's one of the stigmas that need to be broken," she said.

Image caption,

Sarina Kaur Dosanjh and her husband Vik have set up a charity to help those who have had miscarriages

Vik said he had received a mixed reaction to speaking out about baby loss.

He said though some men had told him he had helped them deal with the trauma, others had said it was not a subject he should be talking about.

However, he said he was a strong believer that a "problem shared is a problem halved".

Sarina said people "in our community need to know they shouldn't feel ashamed if they have gone through miscarriage, stillbirth or any kind of baby loss".

"My long-term hope is that people can see it is normal and they can talk about it."

That is Imtiaz's hope too.

She said the grief of losing 22 babies had taken its toll, but she wanted to help others facing similar situations with some simple advice.

"Don't hold it in," she said.

"If you hold it in, you won't make it.

"You need to open up and talk about these situations, otherwise you will crack."