Vicky Pattison: 'Sharing my egg-freezing journey nearly broke me'

When Vicky Pattison started the process of freezing her eggs, knowing she was not ready for children, she decided to share her journey with the public.

"It was important for me to be transparent because there isn't enough genuine, honest information out there," she says.

But the TV star, 35, who lives in Essex, was worried she had made a mistake opening up to her 5.4 million followers on Instagram.

"I had some really horrible messages," she says. "I underestimated how much this would upset people. Fertility can be triggering and it doesn't always end in happiness. I tried to be sensitive but I wasn't prepared for some people to be so cruel."

Vicky, who found fame on the reality show Geordie Shore in her native Newcastle, had to take a break from social media.

"People were saying 'why don't you just have a baby now you've got a boyfriend?' It is so toxic and outdated. I know so many people who had children with the wrong men because they were scared that they were running out of time.

"Why aren't we celebrating women who say 'this isn't the right time and I want to give my future children the best start in life'? It is so important we all know there are many different routes to motherhood."

Breaking down in tears, she recalls the message that made her realise she had made the right decision to be so open.

"This woman said 'none of my friends have gone through this and I was feeling scared and alone and I hated the injections but every night after I had done it I came on social media to see if you had done yours'.

"It made her feel less alone and I thought 'I am in a very small way providing people with some comfort'."

The author and podcaster won I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! in 2015 and appeared on Loose Women shortly after, declaring that she did not want children.

"I've never been a maternal person, I've always been very career focussed," she explains. "I kept waiting for this moment that I would have this burning desire to have children, but it never really came.

"The older I got, the more scared I became that it would kick in at an age when my body wasn't able to have children naturally."

Vicky started looking into the process of egg freezing in her early 30s, after finding herself single again. Then she met her fiancé Ercan Ramadan and "became really happy".

"I started to want things that I had never wanted before, like a house rather than a flat in London and dogs and a slower pace of life and wanting children came on my radar.

"But, even though I'm in a happy relationship, it is still in its infancy and Ercan is younger than me, he's not ready either. It was a mutual decision. We are in love but we don't want that pressure."

An egg-freezing cycle involves taking drugs to boost your production of eggs, which are later collected while you are under general anaesthetic or sedation, and frozen for future use.

Egg freezing has increased tenfold in the past decade in the UK, from just under 230 treatment cycles in 2009, to almost 2,400 in 2019.

In 2021, the most common age for egg freezing was 35, with success strongly dependent on the age of the woman at the time of freezing her eggs, with higher success rates in those aged 35 and under.

Source: Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority

Vicky had to make another difficult decision when it came to how many eggs to have fertilised with Ercan's sperm.

"I have been hurt before and it would be foolhardy to not have a back-up plan so I decided to keep some to myself. I'm safeguarding my future happiness," she says.

"I convinced myself it would be an awkward conversation but Ercan was so supportive."

The couple started having tests at The London Women's Clinic in Brentwood last October but had to pause treatment after they found a cyst on one of Vicky's ovaries.

"I was crestfallen because I had this big plan. I was putting too much pressure on myself and my body. I'm so grateful for social media because I had this community to get advice from."

They had to wait until April for the egg collection, but it was not a smooth process for Vicky.

"At about day ten my follicles were not where they needed to be so the solution is to up your hormones. I was struggling anyway but I would sit and burst into tears randomly. It is such a turbulent time for your body and mind.

"I tried my best to show the good and bad days. I was so stressed about the injections but they weren't too bad where as I underestimated how hard the hormones would be."

Three of Vicky's eggs were turned into embryos, which she was told have a 20% chance of resulting in a baby, and she decided to keep three as unfertilised eggs, which have a 10% chance.

"It has taken the pressure off loads. We are planning a wedding and we want to enjoy married life. This has given us the luxury of time and options," she says.

The process is expensive, she adds, with the NHS only funding egg freezing for certain medical reasons, for example in advance of cancer treatment.

"I feel so grateful to be in a position to do it. I do think it should be available to more women.

"I had spent my whole life in a rush to be loved so I could do all the things I thought a woman was meant to do but now I'm doing things when they are right for me so I feel really empowered."

Vicky has created a video diary of the whole process, which will be shown on ITV1's Lorraine.

"My hope is that it will help women struggling with their own journeys and also encourage a little more understanding and compassion around the subject, as well as helping women realise their own options."

Watch Vicky Pattison - My Journey To Motherhood on Lorraine from 9am on Tuesday 20 June on ITV1 and ITVX